Of the “I found this out!” type. My lovely friends at Casa Batman had a housewarming for their new house. Lady was out across the state to see the eldest (and sanest) niece appear in her first school production. Apparently it rocked, which I am glad and surprised about, considering the quality of productions you usually see at a high school.
Anyway, everyone proceeded to get schnackered and fight the good nerf war fights. Much fun had by all. The Girls and I ended up in the Zen room at about two in the morning, discussing sex, of course. Mainly my sex, the frequent lack thereof, and chemical imbalances.
It is no surprise that Lady has anxiety issues larger then Jumbo in a production of Barnum. She has been fighting/giving in/denying it for most of her life. It’s hard for her to do practically anything, especially anything that would make her happy. Unfortunately, sex is included in that list. I cannot express how proud I am of her for getting on medication for it. Granted, it has only been a few weeks, but we’re both hopeful.
Ms Batman has similar issues. For as long as I’ve known her, she has been a wreck. Getting on meds was an amazing thing for her. Throughout the conversations, she gave me an amazing amount of insight to the other side of anxiety. Mostly I’m grateful for the vocabulary. Lady wants to talk everything out, and I frequently don’t have words for her. Perhaps some of that will change.
The Girls are always good for opinions and no holds barred. Usually when Lady and I try to talk about issues we come across, it turns into an attack on my actions, even if they don’t apply to the current conversation. It generally ends the discussion as she won’t move on from it. The Girls explained how it’s a subconscious move to get pressure and focus off of herself so she doesn’t have to deal with the anxiety. Which sucks for everyone. But also that it’s not my fault. It’s chemicals.
Not my fault. Amazing what three words can do. Opening a new way of thinking, of relief that I’m not actually as bad as she’s painting. Until we tried to talk about it that next day when she came home. But at least this time I could step back and tell myself “She’s just deflecting. No need to overreact.” But then, when is it overreacting and when is it true feelings?
Don’t get me wrong. I love Lady, she loves me and most of the time life is alright heading toward good. Prayers tho for the meds to work, for her to be able to be happy, and not driving her away by trying to help.